do not feel better because you do not
is no Light, no Enlightenment, without Fire, purification,
self-transcendence. That is the Law.
ADI DA SAMRAJ: Somehow
in the midst of this round of existence you realize that you
can feel a lot better than you now feel, that you can feel absolutely
blissful, that you can love absolutely, that you can be absolutely
free. But feeling blissful stands in contrast to your common
state. You are addicted to reactive emotion, low levels of energy,
gross fixations of attention, psycho-physical obstruction. You
are addicted to countless programs that are less than love.
In every moment your attention is moving toward one or another
object, and your feeling in every moment is an expression of
the program of mind into which you are locked in that moment.
Now, what have you learned
in your whole life? Have you learned to feel perfectly? To feel
absolutely? Did you ever go through a period of study in which
you learned to feel to Infinity, to feel Absolute Divinity?
No, you learned all the reactive patterns of life, all the desires
for ordinary things. You knew them even before you became familiar
with them again in this body. You cannot feel any better than
you can feel, and you are addicted to feeling less than love,
to being less than ecstasy. When you come to see Me, you will
realize that you cannot feel any better than you can feel.
when you come into My Company, for no good reason you may suddenly
be Given a moment in which you awaken a little and feel much
better. But that moment passes. What was the purpose of it?
To help you to become aware that you can feel better. At another
time, you feel worse. You come into My Company full of yourself
and feeling bad and wanting Me to make you feel good. The more
you notice it, the worse you feel, and the more confirmed you
become in the feeling that you were animating when you arrived.
Well, what was the purpose of that? To awaken in you the conviction
that you can feel much better.
You can be ecstatic.
However, to be ecstatic is different from all the things you
are programmed to feel. To be blissful is different from everything
that you are desiring. Your desires are movements of attention
toward states of energy that are very low in the spectrum of
possibility. If they were any lower, they would be as solid
as stone! Therefore, if you are meditating on such a low level
of energy with your mind, your attention, your desiring, how
good can you feel? Not very good. What you feel is reactive
emotion in the form of skin and bone and bodily processes. Your
feeling is depressed. It is less than Light. It feels the cramp
that Light feels when it collapses on itself.
I am here to Awaken you
to the Realization that you can feel absolutely, that you can
be ecstatic, that there is a different way to be than you are
tending to be in every moment. The only way you are going to
feel better consistently is to feel
to feel in the spectrum of Energy, Light, or Absolute Radiance.
You must begin to be ecstatic rather than always being fixed
in your attention, and defined by your fixation, in the realm
of money, food, and sex. You are involved with yourself, and
you wonder why you do not feel better. Because you are not
better! You come to the Communion
Hall and sit and watch yourself to see how good you feel, instead
of giving yourself up in feeling-Contemplation of Me.
The practice of the disciplines
in the Way of Adidam does not necessarily bring an immediate
result that feels terrific. The practice is to understand and
surrender, to enter into Communion with Me whatever your mood,
your tendencies, or your circumstances at this moment. That
is the practice, and it must be done whether you feel good or
not. Practice does not necessarily feel good. It is hot, and
it is purifying. It makes your tendencies obsolete. Eventually
you do feel much better, but in the meantime you must live this
process of purification.
Life without God is suffering.
The round to which you are addicted is just a wilderness of
— mechanical, bewildering,
less than ecstatic. Thus, you must fulfill the Law in this moment
and in the next moment. In every moment you must understand
and enter into this Communion with the Transcendental (and Inherently
Spiritual) Divine Self-Condition. If you will do that, then
all of the mechanics to which you are addicted will become obsolete
through non-use. But until they have not been used for a while,
they constantly reappear as mechanical feeling states that are
less than blissful, that are obsessive, ordinary, self-involved.
Even My true devotee in most moments feels the edge, the heat
of his or her own purification.
It is a principle of
health that before you can enjoy regeneration you must first
experience the period of purification. The practice of diet
in the Way of Adidam, for instance, is effective in a purifying
way for a long time. You desire all of the accessories, all
the worldly self-indulgence relative to diet, and you have many
tastes that you like to satisfy. When you become a student-novice,
you spend a long period of time adapting to the lawful, ultimately
regenerative diet. You are frustrated, you see, for a long time,
and you experience symptoms of purification that are not comfortable.
You will perhaps be bored
with this vegetarian diet, which, when compared to the great
cuisines of the Chinese and the French, is extremely boring.
But after a while you also begin to realize there is nothing
written that food must be interesting. No great revelations
have pointed out that food, or anything else for that matter,
must be interesting or distracting to the point that you feel
the illusion of ecstasy. Even a fine meal with fine wine and
traditional accessories is not God-Realization. How good does
it feel? It feels good for only a few minutes. The hours and
days that follow are filled with physical discomfort and aberrated
energy and inclinations. But as you persist in the discipline,
eventually the natural pleasurableness of the diet appears,
and the desires that previously motivated you in your eating
and drinking weaken. The chemistry of the body changes, the
blood chemistry changes, the cellular life is transformed, and
the purifying phase begins to come to an end. Then you begin
to observe the regenerative power of this way of eating, and
you start to feel good. Thus, it no longer matters whether the
diet is interesting or not. It is the same with this practice
altogether. There is simply a right way to live.
Merely because you live
the Way of Adidam in My Company, however, does not mean that
you are going to feel good in every moment or that you will
be Given consoling subjective or bodily experiences. Any experiences
that are Given to you are signs of purification. They contain
a lesson. They are forms of My Help, in order to establish you
even more profoundly in this commitment to life in God, in the
process of transformation. Spiritual life is not intended to
be a consolation to the devotee. Spiritual life is the devotee's
gift to God. And when he or she has lived it most profoundly,
so that his or her program of loveless self-involvement has
been purified, weakened, made nearly obsolete, then the regenerative
qualities of the Way of Adidam begin to appear.
Purification is the fundamental
process in the life of My devotee. Purification occurs in My
Company, in your devotional activity, in your life of devotion,
service, self-discipline, and meditation. All the signs
— physical, emotional,
mental, even psychic and transcendental
— are the signs of purification.
The highs and the lows of emotional phases are the signs of
it. And the signs are to be surrendered. They are the quality
of your subhuman life, your less-than-absolute existence. In
the process of purification and regeneration in all of its stages,
ultimately every aspect of this body-mind becomes obsolete.
It is not that some inner part of the body or the mind is your
permanent situation. No
— all of it is undone
in My Company.
As My devotee grows,
his or her structures awaken by stages, but he or she must transcend
all of them. My devotee realizes that he or she does not feel
any better in the fifth stage of life than in the third stage
of life. Life is still essentially the same bewilderment, the
same limitation on feeling, on love. And the conditions of mind,
like the conditions of the body, equally suppress the heart,
or the feeling being. Merely to enter the dimensions of mind
is not Liberating. It does not make any difference what your
experience is in this moment. You are still obliged to enter
into this Love-Communion with Me, this self-surrendering, self-forgetting,
and self-transcending God-Communion in My Company under all
circumstances. At times you think it is very enjoyable to surrender
and enter into Communion with Me, into the blissful relationship
with your Divine Heart-Master. It seems, in your superficiality,
to be very easy sometimes. At other times it seems very offensive.
Observe that you go through these phases and that in either
case, high or low, you are still the same insufferable personality,
the same egoically "self-possessed" (or self-absorbed)
individual, trying to survive, trying to protect yourself, unwilling
to fulfill the Law, unwilling to make the gesture of feeling
and surrender in this moment.
What is the Law? What
is the Way? What is the practice to which you are obliged
— not like a child who
does not understand, but as a man or woman who does understand,
who has received My Wisdom-Teaching? What is your obligation?
It is to live this submission of feeling and attention, always
to make the gesture of feeling-surrender. That is the Way of
Adidam in My Company in every moment. That is the entire matter.
Once you become completely committed to that Way of living
— and that alone, and
not to any of your experiences
— once you become totally
indifferent to your experiences and become fully committed to
the act of Love-Communion with Me, of surrender to the Divine
Heart-Master in God, then your practice of the Way of Adidam
becomes most intense. Then it can begin to be fulfilled. Then
it can be quickened by your contact with Me.
Until then, there is
something like an argument going on in your relationship to
Me, in which you revert to your childishness and your self-position,
depending on how you feel that day and how things have been
going recently. Believe me, you can feel dreadful. You feel
a lot worse than you do now. You can feel a lot worse than you
have ever felt and still live this Way of life. My devotees
are tested to the point of Infinity. My devotees are obliged
to live in the fire and be purified. And only when you have
been in the fire long enough does it begin to Enlighten you.
When you have burned up in it, then it is Light. Until that
time it is heat. When there is nothing left to burn, then the
fire of this Process is Self-Radiant Divine Love-Bliss, but
not before then.
You want to feel like
a Divinely Enlightened person before you have been consumed,
before you have become Love, before you have made your tendencies
obsolete, before you have transcended them in the practice of
the Way of Adidam. Until that complete surrender, you will feel
the heat of practice. And anything, any moment that intervenes,
that is blissful, full of visions or other subtle experiences,
is a bauble. Such distractions will test you, because you will
have an experience and then, after a time, you will not have
it. You will probably waste a lot of time waiting for it to
come back again, struggling to re-achieve it.
My mature devotee generally
does feel good in his or her ordinary round. Such a devotee
is essentially healthy, not morbid, not un-Happy, not obsessed.
His or her attention is no longer fixed in the conditions of
gross existence in any case. Years before, if he or she could
have just been in the state of body and mind enjoyed in his
or her maturity, he or she would perhaps have thought it sufficient.
Now, however, the Light of God is beginning to replace the fire.
The dimension of his or her existence that has now been purified
is no longer of great significance. It is very ordinary. Such
devotees now notice how bad they feel at the edge of Infinity.
The subtleties of their separation seem to them to be monstrous,
whereas to everyone else they look saintly! The saints are not
exaggerating when they speak of themselves as the worst of humanity.
They are referring to a subtle sense of their own disinclination
to be submissive to Infinity, to God. They become more sensitive
to the obstructions they represent once the grosser dimension
of life has been transformed. Thus this process of purification,
or the fiery aspect of Spiritual life, continues all of one's
life until the last cell goes up in flames. It never abates
as long as one lives.
There is nothing that
can occur in the Communion Hall or in your direct contact with
Me that is not a form of purification. The feelings of physical
bliss and visions and so forth that you now call "Light"
appear as Light only relative to your ordinary tendencies. At
another stage in your practice you will see that this is fire,
that the visions and other kinds of psychic experiences that
you regard to be forms of God-Realization are forms of purification.
They are not God-Realization at all. They are simply other structures
of this body-mind appearing to your inspection under the pressure
of My Divine Power. Temporarily they have the quality of Light
for you, and that is good. Learn the lesson that you can feel
much better, and that you must therefore understand and submit
yourself to the fire of this practice in relationship to Me.
My devotee is obliged
to transcend himself or herself in love, in feeling-Contemplation
of My bodily (human) Form, My Spiritual (and Always Blessing)
Presence, and My Very (and Inherently Perfect) State. That is
your obligation moment to moment. Whatever experience arises
in the midst of your surrendered life is just whatever it is.
That experience is just the condition of the next moment, and
you must understand and surrender in that moment as well. When
you realize quite soberly that your life is a form of purification,
you regain your humor about your born condition and you become
able to serve others in a loving fashion. There may be years
of this fire, and you should welcome them.
the usual man or woman, life serves the fulfillment of desire;
for My devotee life is simply purgatory. It is a moment of purification,
because your attention is on Me, and, thus and thereby, on God.
The usual person's attention is on himself or herself and his
or her desires. My devotee is converted in his or her attention
and feeling so that he or she is not disposed to the fulfillment
of his or her mechanical interests, but is disposed toward Me,
and, thus and thereby, toward God. Living thus, My devotee is
first purified and then enlivened, or regenerated. This is the
process in every aspect of even the mechanics of your living.
Change your diet, and at first you are purified and then you
Thus, if I sit with you,
if I look at you, a Fire is Given to you. It is also the Enlightening
Divine Self-Radiance, but Its fundamental effect is fiery for
a time. Therefore, do not look for casual contact with Me. Inevitably
the Fire must have Its way. Live in My Company truly and eventually
the Fire will have done Its Work.
Nothing else awakens
My feeling the way My devotee does. This is why My devotees
receive My Grace directly. When I see someone submitting himself
or herself to Me for the sake of what only I can Give, that
devotee awakens My feeling. Then I can be of Help to him or
her. Our meeting is a natural and Lawful event. However, the
opposite occurs when someone is only being himself or herself
and living casually. People like that who call themselves "devotees"
are not ripe. They do not understand, they do not yield themselves,
they are not full, they are not receptive, they are not asking
for anything, they are not asking for God! They are asking for
a lot of other things in their inner mumbling. But their desires
are only frustrated in My Company. The Fire has Its way. It
is a Law in itself, and it tests everyone.
The Divine Fire is the
circumstance of our meeting, and how you approach the relationship
with Me will determine your destiny. Whatever must happen before
an individual will yield must happen. In any case it is death.
You will not be able to avoid it. It is the obliteration of
the conventional self, which you are now protecting in one or
another strategic way. But you cannot bypass the Fire. There
is no way into the Divine Self-Light except through understanding,
transcendence of the conditional self, ecstasy, love in all
your acts, in every moment of life. There is no other way. There
is no cheap, super-truth for the masses of these technological
and scientific times. The Way of Truth is as difficult now as
it has ever been, and the requirements are what they have always
been. The advantage that may be brought to you in the process
of the Way of Adidam is the same ancient one, and there is no
easy way to live it. It is very difficult. It is a manly Way
of life (male or female). It is a creative Way of life in the
greatest sense, in that it involves self-transcendence rather
Thus, My Wisdom-Teaching
as it can be communicated broadly must carry this sober estimation
of the Way of Truth. There is no Light, no Enlightenment, without
Fire, purification, self-transcendence. That is the Law. The
Light is Given to you, but only in the face of your surrender.
Therefore, in the earliest developmental stages of your living
of the Way of Adidam, the Fire is prominent. There is a great
deal to learn, and there is a lot of growth yet to be realized
in order just to be human. Your commitment must not be to your
Divine Enlightenment, but to the Light That I Am, to the Divine
Person, and that commitment is exercised through understanding
and surrender, or Love-Communion with Me, in every moment. Every
form of your activity must be "considered". What is
not auspicious must be rejected, and what is ordinary and acceptable
in the life of My devotee must be practiced as Love-Communion
with Me. Diet must be practiced as such, sexuality must be practiced
as such, your daily life must be practiced as such, and your
devotional exercise must be true devotion to Me. When you come
to Me on the occasions when I am available, you must demonstrate
that quality of devotional surrender to Me if I am to be of
use to you. I have not the slightest interest in instructing
you in the ordinary way, of dealing with you in your disinclination.
I am only interested in responding to your devotion, your preparedness,
and in illuminating, enlarging, and magnifying it and serving
your growth as My devotee.