Beloved, earlier this evening You said that all seeking is a
search for something from which one feels separate, and that
feeling separate is the self-contraction. You said that the
practice is not a matter of search for union but a matter of
transcending the act of separation. When You spoke, I felt like
a light went off inside me.
ADI DA SAMRAJ: There are
all kinds of reactivity, desire, and so forth. There is a different
quality behind each kind of seeking, but all seeking is pursuit
of union with something or other, some other, some object, some
thought that changes everything, whatever it may be. It is all
pursuit of union. How could you pursue union if you did not
already feel separate? It is always a feeling of separation
that instigates the motive to union. If you did not feel separate
from the thing you want to get, you would not have to seek it,
stressful feeling of separateness motivates this stressful seeking.
But what you have to find out is that this feeling of separateness
is your own
one that you are always doing. You are always
creating the feeling of separation from this, that, or the other
thing-and then pursuing the very thing you have separated yourself
from. The thing for which you must become responsible is your
own separative act. That is self-understanding. That —
the understanding that is fundamental to the Way of Adidam.
The practice of the Way of Adidam
is not seeking for union with Me or with anything whatsoever.
The practice of the Way of Adidam
is founded in the understanding of your own activity, the understanding
of and transcendence of that very act that makes you seek. That
is the moment to moment business of those who have entered into
devotional Communion with Me. Transcendence of the very act
of separation, of separativeness itself, is the practice of
Otherwise you make even your so-called practice of the Way of
Adidam into a form of seeking for union with Me.
That is what I have done. Everything I have done is just this
seeking, no matter what else I have attempted to do.
This is the first thing to notice then. In the development of
real self-understanding, the first thing to notice is that you
are seeking. Notice that that is all you are doing, and nothing
more. That is it. It does not make any difference what particular
this, that, or the other thing you are seeking to achieve or
associate with or enjoy. Whatever your search may be, it is
all the same. Everything is that search. And it is painful.
It is stressful. It is agonizing. It gnaws at you constantly.
Even pleasurable desiring, if you examine it, is full of stress.
In any moment there can be some particular thing that you are
particularly obsessed with, trying to union with, but you are
constantly seeking, sometimes seeking many things simultaneously.
If you examine your life, you make the discovery that you are
always seeking and nothing else. It is entirely that, in every
must realize the failure of the search. You must clearly feel
that the life you are living is suffering, that it is stressful,
agonizing, rarely fruitful in any sense whatsoever. This is
the first thing that must be realized. This is the first thing
you must understand. You must have the clear sense of the failure
of your seeking, and you must develop a fundamental lack of
sympathy with your seeking, so that you can begin to enter into
the real "consideration" of self-understanding and
must come to this level of understanding. You must notice that
there is always a pursuit of union with one thing or another,
and that your search is a preoccupation that is disturbing your
existence completely. Then you can examine your own activity
further, and you will discover that the thing behind all this
stressful seeking for union with this, that, or the other thing
is always a feeling of separation from whatever it is you are
pursuing. When you get that far with the process of self-observation,
when you feel that agonizing separation from everything you
are seeking, then you can begin to fruitfully examine how this
feeling of separation, or this separativeness, is your own activity.
When you find this out, then the seeking falls away.
you discover that the pain, the agony, the distress, the stress
of your own existence, is your own activity, then all of a sudden
you do not have to seek union in order to be relieved. The search
becomes unnecessary. All there is to deal with is the self-contraction
itself. When it is noticed, it is easily released in Communion
with Me, in response to Me, and via the "conscious process"
and "conductivity" in Communion with Me. Instead of
this stressful self-contraction, this act of contraction, this
separativeness, this search, and all the rest of it, the feeling
of relatedness,* or the feeling of non-separation, spontaneously
awakens. Communion with Me, rather than the search for union,
becomes real. This is how true self-surrender and true self-forgetting
awaken. Where there is this understanding of your own act, Communion
with Me follows as a spontaneous event.
the feeling of non-separation is awake, it is not necessary
to achieve union or re-union with anything or anyone, even the
Divine. And the feeling of non-separation is simply a matter
of transcending your own act of contraction. The realization
of non-separation, or the feeling of relatedness, is the inherent
characteristic of existence. If you transcend your own act of
self-contraction, or separation, then, even in the midst of
conditional existence, you are in an entirely different position
than most people presume.
beings function by tendency on the basis of self-contraction,
uninspected. Therefore, they function irresponsibly. People
are always seeking union with this or that. If there is responsibility
for the self-contraction, if the feeling of non-separation,
or relatedness, is allowed to awaken spontaneously, then you
exist in the field of apparent relations in an entirely different
fashion than people ordinarily do.
your intimate life, for instance, you are always unioning with
one another, always approaching one another through the feeling
of separation, and wanting this or that satisfaction from one
another to overcome the feeling of separation. You are driven
to one another by your own contraction, your own egoity. If
you were responsible for the self-contraction, if you were awake
to the feeling of non-separation, or relatedness, then you would
not try to get to union or re-union with someone from whom you
were separate. You would live in the disposition of non-separation.
The disposition of non-separation changes all acts in your apparent
relationships, changes them all. They cease to be seeking acts
and instead become harmonious events manifested by one who is
awake to the clarity of non-separateness. And on that basis,
everything can be simplified, everything can be set right. As
with your intimate relationships, so with everything.
you are only seeking, everything is a matter of seeking. Therefore,
everything can be changed, everything can be transformed, if
your disposition is transformed, changed at its root, changed
from self-contraction and the pursuit of union into the relinquishment
of that action and its search, changed into the feeling of relatedness.
In that case, the seeking vanishes inherently. Without having
to do anything to it, the principle that underlies the search
is gone. The search has no existence then. Everything becomes
Yoga, then, or a matter of "conductivity". Everything
is entered into responsibly as a "conscious process",
based on the direct transcendence of the self-contraction.
you are truly attracted to Me and are not bargaining with Me,
if you stop playing the self-contraction and the search, if
you understand your own activity and approach Me rightly, simply
on the basis of your devotional attraction to Me, then the feeling
of non-separation from Me awakens. When the feeling of relatedness
in relation to Me awakens, self-surrender and self-forgetting
occur with ease, directly. That is true Ruchira
Avatara Bhakti Yoga.
This is what makes it Yoga. Ruchira Avatara Bhakti in My Company
is not just some stressful seeker's devotion trying to achieve
union with Me, feeling separate all the while, separating from
Me all the while. Ruchira
is not that
it is the true ecstasy of Communion with Me, based on self-understanding,
self-responsibility. That is Ruchira
is why I say to you that there are two fundamental elements
to the Way of Adidam. Fundamentally, the Way of Adidam
is just this devotional Communion with Me. But that devotion
requires self-understanding. Therefore, the Way of Adidam
requires both. Without such self-understanding, you will practice
even devotion to Me as an extension of your own seeking. In
other words, you will not practice it as true Yoga.
Very simply, true devotion awakens if you allow yourself to
be attracted by Me, drawn into Communion with Me, just by the
sighting of Me. But in that process you also observe the mechanism
of your own contraction. It is not difficult to relinquish your
activity in that case. You may think there is some sort of effort
involved, but there is none whatsoever.
have used the analogy of you pinching yourself. You are feeling
some pain and you are motivated to get rid of your pain, so
you taste this, touch that, have sex with this, read, think,
blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, whatever it is, to get rid of
your pain. But if you could just notice your own activity, or
if somebody could draw your attention to the fact that you are
pinching yourself, there is no effort involved in taking your
fingers away. You are glad to do it! And then the pain and the
motivation to seek pass. When you are truly observing the self-contraction,
it is easy to relinquish. The relinquishment does not require
any effort. It occurs rather spontaneously, in fact. All the
effort takes place when you are not truly observing the self-contraction
but are trying to deal with this, that, or the other thing that
you are seeking because you are contracted, but that is peripheral
to the contraction itself. The effort takes place when you are
struggling to get rid of all of that. That is seeking, then.
The effort to get rid of something is seeking. When you truly
discover the cause, the relinquishment of the contraction is
spontaneous, and the seeking, likewise, is spontaneously relinquished,
because it has no foundation.
do not have to try to get rid of the pain of the pinch when
you take your fingers away. All the seeking that your pinching
yourself might have otherwise motivated, or that it previously
motivated, disappears without effort, because it has no foundation
anymore. You do not have to read and try to figure out the universe
because you are in pain. The pain is not there. You no longer
feel separate from Reality, or from any reality. Rather, the
feeling of relatedness, the feeling of non-separation, is magnified
in the heart spontaneously.
Beloved Bhagavan, are You saying that the fundamental way we
will observe this action of separation is in observing our seeking
See that you are only seeking. Examine yourself and find this
out. Understand that seeking is a pursuit of union. This is
obvious, is it not?
search is like this: You go to bed with your girlfriend or boyfriend
in order to get a good feeling. You go to meditate to get a
good feeling. You practice devotion to Me to get a good feeling.
You have lunch to get a good feeling. And getting that good
feeling is the purpose of your seeking. It releases some level
of your stress. You think that unioning, the success of the
effort towards union, the adjacency to this, that, or the other
thing, will give you a little bit of good feeling. You are always
seeking to achieve that in everything you are doing. You are
always seeking to achieve that feeling of release, that good
feeling. This is why you do everything you do. Everything you
are doing, you are doing in order to achieve that good feeling.
And you think that that is the goal of life.
has nothing whatever to do with the Way of Adidam. That is what
you are already doing, and that is what you must find out. You
are always seeking, and you are full of stress in that seeking.
Your seeking is always an effort to achieve union with this,
that, or the other thing. And whenever you get this thing or
the other, whatever it may be, whenever you perform that action
you want to perform with whatever you have acquired, you get
a good feeling. An orgasm is just such a good feeling. That
is what you are looking for all the time.
do you read books? Watch TV? Try to figure things out? Why?
Because you are looking to come to the point of that good feeling,
where there is some sense of release from stress, but whatever
release you may achieve is not consequential, not final. There
is no self-understanding in it. It is not the end of seeking.
It is just one moment to be followed by another pursuit.
must find out about yourself as a seeker. The first thing you
must find out is that you are
a seeker, and that seeking is all
you are doing. Take a look at everything you are doing. Seeking
you are doing. There is no moment of your life when you are
not doing it. There is no circumstance in your life in which
you are not doing it. There is no relationship in which you
are not doing it. If you get a good feeling, it is like an orgasm.
There is a temporary feeling of satisfaction, but you are still
sitting there separate, all by yourself as you are, still sitting
on your own uninspected knot. But because you get the moment
of good feeling, you try and repeat it over and over again with
everything you do.
you do not even get that feeling every time. When you go to
bed with your boyfriend or girlfriend, you do not get all that
you would like to get every time. But that does not stop the
search. The good feeling happens often enough that you keep
nothing has been transcended. The actual nature of conditional
existence has not been found. The presumption of separation
still exists. You may have achieved some sort of feeling relative
to some object or other, but that is not it. Something sexual
with an intimate partner or a good lunch or a vision of the
Divine Star* or some other visionary or mystical experience
and so forth
they are all objects pursued by the same seeker for the same
reason, and it just throws you back on yourself. Whether you
are in the good feeling or dwelling in the stresses of seeking,
it is all just the same. It is just you presuming to be separate,
still not having understood.
your relationship to Me is not pure, not free of this seeking.
You are doing it with Me. You are carrying on some action or
other in relation to Me that is a seeker's effort toward union.
You are trying to feel good. Every one of you, right now, is trying
to feel good. You want to feel good because you feel bad. You
always already feel bad. Always already, you
feel bad! Not
always feel bad, and through your seeking you want to feel good.
Here and there, using all of the methods you can generate in your
daily life, you get a little spell of relief —
brief. How long does the pleasure of an orgasm last? [Snaps His
fingers.] Just like that —
very brief. Almost instantly, you are cruising back to feeling
bad. Even when people go into fifth stage conditional Nirvikalpa
almost as soon as they get there, they are cruising back
are always motivated to feel better, no matter what you are doing.
My father was a salesman, like some of you here. He was always
under stress, a chain smoker and all the rest. He would talk and
talk and talk, all the time, always under stress. Why did he do
it? He had all his reasons- to support his family, and so on.
But he was an addict. He was addicted to it. He only got to feel
good when he made a sale. It is like getting off in an orgasm
or something. You get a little bit of good feeling by making that
sale, exchanging back-slapping and grins with the other salesmen
and so forth, and then it is back on the streets, back to the
think you want to be a big success. You imagine that there is
a sale that ends all sales and then you will feel good forever.
That is part of the illusion of salesmen
one big hit sale after which you do not have to be a salesman
anymore, because you just feel good forever! It is an illusion,
a myth. Similarly, you go to bed with your intimate partner expecting
it is going to be one of those occasions after which you will
not want sex anymore because you will just feel good forever.
are always feeling bad and looking to feel good. You have all
kinds of techniques in your life that sometimes produce a little
bit of feeling good and that lead you to feel, "That is all
feeling a little better here and there." You make a total
life out of the stress of the search and temporary moments of
minimal release, because you never deal with the self-contraction
itself and the illusion it produces. You never deal with your
divorce from Reality. You never Realize the Inherent Condition,
the Native Condition of non-separation. When you deal with the
root of all of your seeking, not only does the seeking vanish,
but the Truth is Realized
Truth that is Reality, that is the Divine, Which Is Self-Sufficient,
Self-Existing, Self-Radiant, all Love-Bliss, not confounded, not
a seeker, not separate. This is what there is to Realize, but
it cannot be Realized by seeking.
out you are always seeking. Find out that your seeking is never
finally fulfilled. Find out that you are always under stress.
This is how you wear out the method. This is how you get sick
examining what you are up to. When you are sick of it, a kind
of despair awakens that is also associated with great intelligence,
or a willingness to examine the matter more profoundly, to examine
the matter I am bringing to you. This is about great practice.
This is about great Realization. This is about great self-transcendence.
will not get really serious about it until you wear out your search,
until you find out that you are always seeking and that you are
always under stress and that the search never fulfills itself.
The best you are getting out of it is a temporary release here
and there. You feel a little better for a couple of seconds and
then it is gone. An occasional hit
is all you are getting out of life. The rest of it is pain and
is not just that you are feeling bad, it is that you are making
yourself feel bad. That is what you have to find out. The self-contraction
is the "why" you feel bad. It is the bad feeling itself.
And you are doing it. That is what you have to find out. You must
become capable of transcending your own activity, moment by moment,
in the context of your devotional relationship with Me.
means "without form". Hence, "Nirvikalpa Samadhi"
means literally "deep meditative concentration (or absorption)
without form (or defined experiential content)". Traditionally
this state is the final goal of the many schools of Yogic ascent
whose orientation to practice is that of the fifth stage of life.
Fifth stage conditional Nirvikalpa Samadhi is an isolated or periodic
Realization in which attention ascends beyond all conditional
manifestation into the formless Matrix of the Spirit-Current or
Divine Light infinitely above the world, the body, and the mind.
Because it is produced by manipulation of attention and of the
body-mind, the sublime bliss of fifth stage conditional Nirvikalpa
Samadhi cannot be maintained when attention returns, as it inevitably
does, to the states of the body-mind.