full pattern of non-stop egoic activity controls and binds our energy
and attention in every moment: searching for this, defending from
that, etc., to the point where we do not have the free energy and
attention left over to find and receive God, even when God is appearing
bodily in the same room, in the form of the Spiritual Master.
Awakening from the dream also requires self-understanding
understanding of the activity that is the ego.
this "ego"? How is it organized? How can it be undone,
Melted, and how can we, ultimately, be Fully Awakened out of the
dream? Figure 1 provides an overview of the complex ego-pattern.
1: the structure of the ego
view “me” as a given; it simply goes without saying. "Obviously",
there’s “me” here, there’s “you” over there, etc. And somehow, “me”
is associated with a human body, “my body”. Consequently, the survival
and defense of the body-mind becomes equivalent to the survival
and defense of “me”. And the feelings associated with the body-mind
are “my feelings”. If they are pleasurable then it is “my
if they are painful, then “I
We can refine
the notion of “me” in all kinds of ways, even thinking we’re being
“spiritual” to do so. We can wonder if “me” survives physical death.
We can give a name to the part of “me” that survives, and call it
“soul” or “spirit”, and concern ourselves about its destiny, since
that is a part of “my destiny”.
And on and on.
“ME” is the focus of all our lives. And yet how often do we question
this “me” presumption? How often do we consider, what is the source
of the sense of “me”?
on the basis of this presumption, even organizing our entire life
around it, and don’t often stop to ask: What is this “me”?
From the viewpoint
of the Awakened State, it is clear that all the “me”s in the dream
have no ultimate reality; they are dream characters, and the only
Real “Me” is the Divine Being, the One who is dreaming and living
all the apparently separate “me”s. Furthermore, from the Awakened
Viewpoint, it is also clear that the reason “me” seems and feels
in every way to be an absolute reality despite the fact that
it is not is because of a primal activity of separation that
each of us is doing unconsciously all the time. Literally, we are
re-creating our “self” in every moment through an activity of “contraction”
that is something like making a fist. Whatever else you may want
to say about the occasional pleasures that can be experienced within
the “me” capsule, they are nothing compared to the “open hand”,
the Bliss felt when the sense of separation is transcended.
primal self-contraction is located at the right side of the heart:
The feeling of relatedness, or the self-knot, can be felt all over the body. But if you feel it at its point of origin, it's on the right side of the heart. The right side of the heart is not simply the domain of Divine Self-Realization. It's the root of egoity. It's a knot that must be opened. You have to get back to that Door, by releasing energy and attention to do so.
primal self-contraction also creates secondary “knots” throughout
the body, some of which are directly recognizable by many people,
such as the “vital shock” or knot near the navel or solar plexus:
usual man or woman lives in what I have called “vital shock”.
This shock ultimately includes more than the vital. It operates
even on a very subtle level. But its most obvious and motivating
form is the sense of shock in the vital being. Ordinarily, the
vital, at its chief center in the midst of the body, is contracted,
and one continually feels it, even physically. One may feel a
kind of cramp, this tension in the midst of the body. And everybody
tries to relieve it continually through various experiences, pleasures.
vital center is like the shutter in a camera. Like the shutter
in a camera, it curls in on itself in order to close, or else
it unfurls in order to open. It is like your hand. If you clench
your fist and hold it together as tightly as you can, it begins
to become painful. Just so, this vital center is alive, sentient,
and when it contracts, like your hand, it causes a sensation.
It causes not only a physical sensation, but also many other reflections
in life and consciousness. Therefore, when this contraction occurs
in the vital, you not only get a cramp in the stomach, but you
have a whole life of suffering.
natural flow of life and Spirit in the circle of the body-mind
not only the vital center, but
the chakras or energy centers in the body-mind (identified in the
Indian tradition and other traditions) are knotted up by the primal
contraction, and cease to allow the full, natural flow of life and
Spirit in the Circle of the body-mind.
Metamorphosis of Narcissus Salvador Dali (click image to enlarge)
bent over the pond
(and resembling someone
holding an egg between thumb and forefinger -- it's time
to drop the egg!)
is not only a contraction of feeling and energy, but also of infinite
restricting it to what we are familiar with as our ordinary limited awareness, or
Avatar Adi Da Samraj uses the ancient Greek myth of Narcissus to
bring this point home, particularly the image of Narcissus, bending
over the pond, consumed by his own image. The self-contraction “bends”
attention onto self compulsively. The consequence of this endless
unconscious obsession in all of us is the conviction that “I am
a separate self”.